Survivor's Stories

 

Yes! It is possible to overcome emetophobia! Here are just a few of some survivors' stories.

 

"I have been successfully treated for emetophobia, which I suffered from to an extremely serious degree for 40 years. For twenty of those years, I searched for help and was willing to do anything to be rid of this gripping terror in my life. Finally, I succeeded. Here is my story.  

I'm 45 years old. My childhood was quite traumatic with my brother dying in an accident when I was 3, and my dad dying of cancer (literally v*ing to death, it seemed) when I was 9. My mother was psychotic, and always sick and expected me to look after her. Once she went into the hospital "for a rest" when I was only 10 and left me home alone for 3 days, even though I was sick myself. Most of the rest of my childhood was spent in horror and terror every moment. Obviously I associated v*ing with dying - even if I only saw (or thought I would see) someone else do it.  

As time went on I avoided things more and more. In my teens I went to university, and stopped eating almost everything but bananas and digestive cookies (you all know this routine). My fear of others v*ing was so intense that I started avoiding people altogether at one point. I remember sitting on the bed in my room, curled up in fetal position, crying and feeling so terrified that I wanted to die. I thought it would be better to die than to ever be anywhere near someone who v*ed, or to ever be sick myself. I thought if I got some sickness that involved v*ing, I would rather kill myself quickly. As soon as that thought entered my head, I knew I needed professional help. I was only 18. 

I got a referral to a psychiatrist from my doctor, and the shame of just telling him my disorder (the first person on the face of this earth that I ever told) sent me into a deep depression. I wallowed in grief for weeks. I had some limited success with this psychiatrist and a 10-week group therapy for emetophobes. At least I stopped obsessing about being sick, and learned some relaxation techniques that I’ve carried with me for years. I learned that I would not be sick just because I thought I felt n*. I learned the difference between n* and anxiety. This kind of therapy is a basic “cognitive-behavioral” approach, and does not involve actually having to v* in order to get over the fear. (That should be a relief to most of you!) That was over 20 years ago. The test came 9 years ago when I got cancer and went through chemotherapy. I was pretty scared then (of dying, not just of v*), but when I did v*, for the first time since I was treated back in that group (some 15 years earlier), I couldn't believe what a simply "nothing" thing it really was. Since then I've never given being sick myself a second thought.

Miraculously, I graduated from university and went on to do a Masters degree. I met my husband (we've been married 22 years now). I adopted a son, and gave birth to two girls. They're 29, 21 and 19 now and they are normal, well-adjusted, successful young people. Praise God. Now, I don't even give the chance of feeling n* or v*ing a second chance. It's not a big deal for me anymore."

 

 

 

 

"Since I was 10 or so, I've had very very bad emetophobia. I was 
generally just afraid when someone in my family or someone close 
to me actually got sick, but in high school it got to the point where I 
got really depressed and phobic. I had panic attacks every single 
day, several times a day, which was, needless to say, hell. My phobia 
grew to the point where I became agorophobic and was afraid to 
leave the house. I came very close to committing suicide since my 
life was such a wreck. My panic attacks basically tore apart my 
family and made me come very close to dropping out of school.

One day in grade 12 after a particularily bad fight with my parents, I 
decided that I needed to do something about my problem or I would 
literally die from it. I started reading up on phobias and anxiety 
disorder (the book "Freedom from Fear" by Dr. Liebgold was 
particularily helpful), and spent lots of time learning about why I felt 
the way that I did and what I could do about it. It was definately 
hard work, but I made sure I went out even when I didn't feel like it, 
and forced myself to try to find ways to enjoy life again. I got a job, 
and made myself goals like doing well in school and getting into 
University.  

This summer, I kept going out of my way doing things that I didn't 
necessarily want to do, like going on a road trip with my friends, and 
trying to have a good time. It turns out that I had a great time 
getting to do things I couldn't have imagined doing while I was 
extremely phobic. Eventually I got to the point where I could go for 
several days, and then weeks, without having panic attacks or feeling 
anxiety.

In September I started University at a school 14 hours away from 
home, by car. It was the hugest step i've ever taken in my life, but I 
knew that I could either go forward in my life or continue to struggle. 
Now I'm at University, living in residence with my best friend, where 
people v*ing is a regular thing because of, well, 
overconsumption of alcohol. I'm very VERY happy to say that I 
haven't had a panic attack in over 3 months, and I never experience 
anxiety anymore (except when I have midterms!). I officially 
consider myself cured of emetophobia!

I know it's kind of confusing as to how exactly I got cured, but I just 
wanted to write this post to say that it IS possible! Nobody deserves 
to have to live with such a frustrating and constantly present phobia, 
and I hope that everybody knows that you have it in you to get over 
it!

Life is a million times better for me without this fear!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I am 18 years old and have been suffering with emet since i can remember...My phobia at one time ruled my life...i never went anywhere including school, i avoided everything which would increase the risk of myself or anyone being sick...i have never v*ed in public yet, however im quite happy to do it on my own in the comfort of my own or someone elses house....my dream has always been to be an air stewadess because i would love to travel the world, meet new people and work unusual hours, not just a 9-5 job....


i go out regularly to pubs and clubs and i drink lots of alcohol that usually ends up with my head down the toilet the next day, which i am getting used to, having just turned 18 a couple of months ago!lol..im also used to looking after paraletic friends on the floor v*ing thier guts up in my car and on my carpet!!!LOL i actualy thank them for it after because the more i see it the better it gets...


I have come so far in the last year or so..i never used to eat anythyn which would look horrible if i was to v* it up for example chinese or indian meals..however my ex boyfriend encouraged me to eat a range of different things and i enjoy eating what i like now and enjoying it...


I have been on holiday twice already this year, that means flying and travlling in coaches etc...yes the places where people are regularlysick!!!


Going back to my dream job of being an air stewadess i am now working for Excel Airways as an air stewadessbased at Gatwick and have completed my 5 week intensive course...i am now flying and finding it absolutly incredible...i have realised flying is not all about clearing peoples sick up and i am determined to not let this phobia ruin my career. When a passenger falls ill theres no way im going to let it effect me...ive got lots of flights lined up for next month and im very excited about them...i can honestly say if i can do it anyone can i used to be terrible flying...used to sit there with my head phones turned up loud to make sure i couldnt hear anyone sick, and close my eyes so i couldnt see anyone sick...now i hear and see everything and not be phased!!!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

"To cut a long story short, I had a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (free on the NHS!!) about this time last year and I finished it just after Christmas. It was really hard work and required a lot of extra input and soul searching over and above the sessions with the therapist. Then I did a lot of work by myself (and continue to do so on an almost daily basis) since the sessions ended and I've been feeling 100% better.


I know a lot of people have tried various treatments and I also know that a lot of people feel very frustrated when it appears to have not worked. That’s why I thought it might be useful to share some of my experiences to hopefully reassure you that it can work if you are prepared to stick at it and really work hard at making it work for you. I think that the key to successful CBT is being prepared to actually let go of the fear and that can be really hard when you have lived with it for your whole life. Letting go of the fear means accepting the fact that one day you might v* and for a lot of people that's impossible... certainly that's the thing I found the hardest but I was at the point where living with the fear was harder and I was completely and utterly fed up with it and wanted to change my whole life. 


I waited for a year before I finally got to see a therapist, but when I did she was really nice and really supportive and we developed a good relationship over the months. I'm not sure if she knew much about Emetophobia, (and I’m not sure that’s even important) so I printed out information and she spent a fair bit of time reading that and researching it before we started. I was also lucky when I saw my doctor who originally referred me because she admitted to me that she had never heard of it either and that she was really surprised by it but she was also really interested (I remember that distinctly) and I was pleasantly surprised by the length of time she spent with me at my initial consultation asking me various questions which she said she needed to do in order to refer me to the right person.


I also had to fill in a really long questionnaire before I saw the counsellor which answered questions like how did the emet make me feel, what did I want to change about myself, what did I want to achieve from the treatment, how does the phobia affect my life, etc. I think that really helped because it ensured I had realistic expectations of the treatment. I also think it helped her understand what I was going through, sometimes you can’t really express it confidently in words.


The point of CBT is that you change your behavioural responses to situations so instead of going into a panic when you get n*, you have to train yourself to respond in a different way. That's why it won't work unless you are 100% commited because all the work has to be done by you. I had lots of 'homework' to do including one week where I had to record every single time I panicked about v* - what triggered the panic, what my immediate response to the trigger was and to start to think about different ways to react to the situation. It's a real eye opener because a lot of your behaviour is something you do without thinking but this teaches you"

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I became pregnant...and forgot about my phobia.. because anytime I 
would feel n* I KNEW THE REASON so there would be no mystery or 
paranoia about v*ing .... or some sort of imaginary disease that turns 
u inside out (that we usually think of when the slightest little sick feeling 
comes around).

I am so focused on my child right now (that is still inside me) that I have 
no time to think about myself and be selfish. No offense, we are not 
selfish but, a phobia that only we have is a part of ourselves, not others.

I am still nervous to eat before I go out.. but I know if I don't, not only 
will my child suffer from malnourishment, but I will also feel n* from 
being hungry.

I still avoid complicated foods that look gross to v* with but I deal with 
myself on a day-to-day basis.

The further I get in to my pregnancy, the less afraid I become. I'm starting

to feel much much happier and worry-free. I can finally enjoy life again."

 

 

 

 

 

 

"When I was 23 years old I packed up all of my belongs (at least all those that would fit into some overstuffed suitcases) and with my 9 month old baby girl in arms got on a plane and moved 1200 miles away from my hometown. I left behind everything I knew to be safe. My hope was that I would find this Self that I new existed inside of me, and the freedom I knew I wanted but could never seem to attain. It was a long trip both geographicly and emotionally. Shortly after landing in my flamingo paradise I realized that even though the climate, the faces, and the places had changed, everyday life still felt the same. 

It sounds confusing, but really it is very simple. It did not take me long to get right back into my well rehearsed rut, overtaken by the constant fear of v*ing that is Emetophobia.

I decided to: 1) Never eat seafood at a restaurant, hardly ever chicken, and red meat only in the form of steak and only if it was mostly burnt-Ecoli, Psaumanilla, Tomaine all food born illnesses there are many more that the average person has never even heard of. 2) Keep my baby away from sick people as much as possible, including any form of daycare or socialization-Roto virus, Norwalk virus both highly contagious and nasty stomach illnesses consistently carried by children. 

No matter where I moved to; no matter which of the multiple long term relationships I was in; no matter what position I held at any of the number of jobs I had, my perpetual portable phobic prison was still the same: Emetophobia.

My weight went down, my diet consisted only of those foods that never caused illness from consumption. My hands had blotches from bleaching my kitchen counter tops, and just about every part of the bathroom. Friendships were nearly impossible to maintain I was fairly exhausted from my little anti-v*ing rituals. Intimacy was even more difficult: "He wanted to put his germ infested mouth where?" I would think to myself. Suprisingly enough, to the outside world, I was perfectly normal. The only people who really knew were my parents and my husband.

Emetophobics are afraid of v*ing or of being present while others are v*ing and obsessed with what actually happens when someone v*ing. While researching my secret topic online I ran accross a website under the search engine V* FAQ. It was as if heaven opened up, the light came from the sky to surround me and the angels sang. V* FAQ had been written by a doctor who was also an emetophobic (kudos to him for making it through medical school). I was not alone, I was not crazy. If my little secret had a name that meant it may also have a cure? This thought had never even crossed my mind. I began trying to get into online support groups and discussions about emetophobia and was surprised to find that not only was I alone, but there were thousands of people who had the same phobia as myself. I was even able to make contact with the person who wrote the V* FAQ page and ask him if there was in fact a cure. His answer was that no difinitive cure had been found, but people have been cured.

The heavenly lights were sucked back up into the sky and the angelic voices turned into the chirping violins that swell up in a horror movie just before the main guy gets attacked by monsters. As I quested for more information I was told by someone else that not only was thier no cure but that emetophobics usually get progressively worse as time goes by. Worse? How could it get any worse? Would I be eating just fresh bread and bottled water? Perhaps I would stop going out in public altogether (instead of just when I heard a stomach virus was going around)? My daughter would be home schooled so she would not be exposed to the bad germs?

I noticed that movies with v*ing were harder to watch, and the websites I visited for emetophobia used alternative words for the deed. I do not use those words now because I now feel fine about v*ing, but some people are still struggling and get triggered by such words. If you are reading this testimony, you are already well on your way to making the first right choice in a long line of right choices to follow.

One day while re-reading an Emetophobia FAQ page for the billionth time I noticed an online advertisement for The Phobia Clinic. Wow, the possibility that I could quickly learn to solve this myself instead of undergoing years of therapy was one to be considered. But who finds the answers to their nearly life long ailment on the internet? I later found the answer to that question is someone brave enough to TRY SOMETHING NEW.

The Phobia Clinic website had an 800 number listed that I was hesitant to call, so I asked my husband to do it. If anyone can recognize whether an organization is trustworthy and who they say they are it is my husband. After an hour's conversation with one of the Phobia Clinics' specialists my husband called me and told me to call them for myself. Deciding to make that initial call was the most difficult part of the entire process. I bombard poor Rex with questions like, "You are not going to make me v* at the end of the session to prove I am cured, are you?" (of course the answer was no), and, "Is this hypnosis?" (again the answer was no). After some background questions and some very enjoyable conversation, I made the decision: set up an appointment.

The Saturday of my appointment came quickly. My husband took my daughter out for the morning, and I awaited the 3 hour phone conversation that would change my life. I was pleasantly suprised by the schedule of events. In a nutshell everything we did was light and easy. Nothing was traumatic and by the end of the session I said to myself "Make the right decision right now and you are going to eliminate emetophobia from your life."

Since that day I have felt more in control of my life than I have ever felt before. I finally met that strong, self-assured woman I knew I really was. I am relaxed and relieved. I am exactly where I have always wanted to be. Now that the Emetophobia is gone my mind has opened and pointed me in other directions, other places that I have decided to work on for growth. This process really affected my entire life and I am forever greatful for the powerful knowledge I was taught and am applying in my life on a daily basis.

I am reaching out to all of those who are struggling with the decision to change thier lives and be released from the bondage of fear. I implore the other emetophobics out there to understand: You will overcome emetophobia when you decide that now is the time to get the help you need. My heart goes out to you and the losses you experienced on a daily basis while being controlled by a force that seems greater than you. But its not an outside force you can't control, its just a consistent pattern of thinking: you can change it now.

I am not an actress, I am not paid to write or say anything. I have no reason to sell any clinic, person or organization to anyone. I am a stay at home mother and wife... and a woman who has made the choice to be healthy, happy and FREE. You deserve the same."